kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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