I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i need some magic done to my vagina
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
