I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
