I just made out with a guy for $7.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
