I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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