Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
