They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
this is an emotional support booty call
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
