I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
farters have to be the big spoon...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
