its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
