Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
