I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
PANTIES FOUND
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
