i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
