At least make sure they are 18
Why
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
