I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
