Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
