Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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