this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
