I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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