Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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