so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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