all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
