I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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