I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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