he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
