i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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