You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
