So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
not ubering you a puppy
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
