I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
