How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
