stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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