listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
