It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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