They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
