shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
