he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
