I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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