theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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