i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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