It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
MIDGETS
????
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
