aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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