Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
