Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
this just has baby written all over it
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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