i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
NoShamevember. You game?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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