please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
two words: eviction party
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
