maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
