dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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