I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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