I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
try to milk me bitch
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
