Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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