Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just fell off a train. Bad.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
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