What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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