i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
