ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
