I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
