Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Buhtt sex?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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