I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
