I puked a lego.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
