yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
