Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The ass gains better be worth it
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