is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
