So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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