I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I am spending my child support on dildos
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
