i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
