Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
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