and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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