Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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