hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
