god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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