normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
the liver wants what the liver wants
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
