all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Drake has all the answers
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
