the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
