I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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