No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
