I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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