News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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