D3 body, D1 cock
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
