I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
